Revised Senryu

My last post with Senryu included one poem where the particle は began a line, which breaks traditional rules. I have revised this one below, using some of the same themes but not all. The main notion is the division between the mountain and actually going to it, separated by the katakana トヨタ, which draws into question the relation to the natural world.

ふじさんへ

たかいトヨタで

いきません。

And here are the original two:

サムライを

みます。あめです。

すいません。

カタカナは

がいこくのじじゃ

ありません。

As an additional point of explanation for the samurai poem, it is based on the movie Le Samourai directed by Jean-Pierre Melville. Rain is a major motif throughout and the first scene involving smoking is particularly notable:

And although I love the French, すいません.